You Can't Control Your Heart
Written By Jaime Chaifetz
I had a great life - I was a senior in high school, voted class comedian, got into some great colleges, and had a loving boyfriend….
And then, College. Happened.
Amidst showing beginning signs of a mental health disorder (later I’d find out was similar to schizophrenia), I realized I hadn’t had a crush on a boy in months. The last boy I liked was a French guy I met while in Germany, and I remember wanting to kiss him so bad. I can remember myself feeling that way so clearly, but then having zero attraction to him if I were to see him or a picture of him. And I was boy crazy!
So what happened? Apparently, I turned gay, I guess?
I mean my feelings for men evaporated out of thin air.
Suddenly I was having girl crushes! Like serious ones! It took a long time of going back and forth, thinking I could stop my feelings for women, thinking I could somehow control my heart.
Once I realized my boy crushes were gone and my girl crushes wouldn’t stop, I had to come to terms. So I started dating women, coming out to family and friends, and just living my life. People are super accepting, and I’m a lot happier knowing I’m chasing my crushes and not chasing expectations.
And that’s my little story.